Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
