Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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