Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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