All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
