we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
