I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
