Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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