I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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