I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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