I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Text me some of your sweat
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize