It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
