Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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