worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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