I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
