My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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