woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
she looked like the before picture.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
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