You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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