It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
