I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
