Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
