I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
