Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize