can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize