I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
