Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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