I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
