Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
