A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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