You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Small penises have feelings too.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
