I'm gonna have a badass scar
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
