I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
the day after is always just damage control
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
