he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
