she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
