I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
