he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
