Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
