To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
