We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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