are you still at the devil's house?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
