explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
