she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
