It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
