Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Two words: blizzard sex
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
