Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
