mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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