I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
