It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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