Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
