Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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