I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
