i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
