Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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