So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
