whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
