Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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