Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
