so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
