i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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