dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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