Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
