i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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