I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize