Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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