I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
the raccoons are back...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
