You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
