Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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