I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
