you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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