Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
