two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
