I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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