My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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