i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
