This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I made him laugh his dick is mine
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
