it wasn't lemon gatorade
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
