Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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