can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize