I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
is wine microwaveable?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
