Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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