I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
